March 6, 2017

Why It's Ok to Leave Your Old Self Behind

On Friday, I threw on a band tee and a pair of jeans to run out for an iced coffee. I had not worn a band tee in what felt like years, and what I then realized was years. Not so long ago, band shirts were a staple in my closet. Then, one day... I just stopped wearing them.







Because I'm physically uncomfortable wearing them. After just a few hours, I had to change out of that band tee into another shirt because it was bothering me so much. Why? I asked myself. I used to love wearing band tees. Then I realized it was about more than the evolution of my personal style. It was about the evolution of me. It's okay to leave your old self behind and do what feels right now.

If you don't leave your old self behind, you'll never become your new self. 


You'll stunt your growth. And when there is change, because it's inevitable, you won't be equipped to deal with it.



Leaving your old self behind is more than letting go of the past and the person you were in it. It's about embracing your new self. I have days that I feel like nothing has changed and days that I feel like everything has changed. Whether you notice the changes or not, they are there.

I'm happier with who I am now than who I was last year or two years ago or three years ago. I'm still an introvert. I'm still weird because I'm not into what "everyone else" is into and because, well, I'm pretty sure my mind works differently. But I'm different, too.

I left sadness and negativity behind my freshman year of college. I left doing "what I'm supposed to do" in my sophomore year. I left my first two decades behind when I turned 21 in January. And somewhere in February, I left behind my grand master plan of what happens in December, when I graduate college.

My old self would have freaked out. And I did. But now, three weeks after leaving another piece of myself behind, my "new" self is confidently sure... that I am unsure. Wait, isn't that counterproductive? No, and I'll tell you why. I've realized, finally, that everything— everything— is out of my control. I can put in the work and the effort up until a certain point, but at that point, it's in God's hands.

I've come to accept, if reluctantly, that my plans are not my own, even if I refer to them as my own. They were put on my heart by someone else, a much higher Someone Else, and can change at any time and without my deliberation or consent first.

Until "my" plans come to fruition, they are just that— plans.


My understanding of plans as shifting life maps are a part of my new self. My new self is constantly changing. I'm not losing myself as I leave pieces of the old me behind; I am becoming the new me, as better, different pieces take the place of what was there before. 

2 comments

  1. So so so good and so so important!!

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    Replies
    1. The theme of this post really resonated with me, too :)

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